|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
ARE YOU A SMALL OR MEDIUM BUSINESS OR PART OF A LARGER
CORPORATION?
Click here to learn
more about working directly with and hiring Get It In
Writing for copywriting and marketing consulting
services. We’re looking to build a long-term
relationship as your copywriter and part of your
marketing team.
|
|
|
|
|
| |
ARE YOU A WEB, SEO, P.R., AD, GRAPHICS OR PRINTING
COMPANY, CONSULTANT OR AGENCY?
Click here to learn
more about outsourcing your clients’ copywriting needs
to Get It In Writing for copywriting and marketing
consulting services. Your clients will get the high
quality copy they need quickly and professionally.
|
|
|
|
|
| |
ARE YOU A BUSINESS OWNER, ENTREPRENEUR, COACH,
CONSULTANT, VIRTUAL ASSISTANT OR EXPERIENCED WRITER?
Click here to learn
more about how our “DIY” (Do It Yourself) products and
tools will give your business the marketing boost it
needs and you the skills do it yourself.
|
|
|
|
|
From the carpool line to the boardroom: Tales
and revelations from a Boca Working Mom
It may have all
started a couple of years ago when my
then-4-year-old daughter approached me one
afternoon and asked, “Mommy, all the other
Mommies wear exercise clothes in the morning –
how come you get all dressed-up?”
Hmmmm…where to begin? Instead of seeing this as
the innocent-albeit-perceptive question that it
was, my first inclination was to set my jaw,
clench my fists and angrily explain to my
innocent child that it’s a whole lot more
complicated than who’s wearing what.
But then my rational self caught my crazed self
and gently reminded the latter that this could
be one of those enlightening mother-child
moments and that I really needed to be careful
about how I answered her.
Do I give her an angry feminist (and perhaps
slightly irrational) answer about how her Mommy
is highly-educated, has an important job to go
to and can’t be bothered with exercise in the
morning? Do I give her the “kumbaya” answer that
Mommies today are so lucky to have all sorts of
choices about what they can do when their kids
are in school -- some choose to exercise while
others choose to get dressed-up and some even do
both.
Or, do I tell her the truth which is something
along the lines of this: On any given day, she
could find mommies doing – and wearing – just
about anything, anywhere. Some might be very
happy about what they are doing, some might be
miserable and desperately wanting to do
something else but all, regardless of who or
where, are likely feeling torn and tugged in a
million different directions and guilty over all
of them.
It’s not about choices, it’s about perception
What set me off about my daughter’s question was
not about the to-work-or-not-to-work issue
(which we would all likely agree has been
re-hashed ad infinitum) but more about her
taking note, even at the tender age of four, of
the subtle and not-so-subtle differences within
the population known as “Mommies.”
Of course, here in Boca, we Mommies are not
exactly representative of the Mommy population
at large, but we see many of the same issues in
play. Since I became a Mommy nearly nine years
ago, my beef has always been about the way we
Mommies judge ourselves and one another –
always, in my opinion, harshly and unjustly. I
also see all sorts of misconceptions, envy and
skepticism mixed in this big pot of judgment.
The ever-present Mommy Wars
The phenomenon I refer to has been dubbed by
many authors and others in the public eye as the
‘Mommy Wars.’ It’s a pat but accurate term to
describe something that’s both pervasive and
private, ever-changing yet old news.
(Case-in-point: Do a search on Amazon.com for
‘Mommy Wars’ and you’ll get 60 or 70 results
there alone. And by the way, if you’re reading
this thinking ‘Oh, this is just your typical
cat-fight,’ then you should hand this column
over to your wife.)
Here’s how it works in over-simplified and
exaggerated terms: The moms who work think the
moms who “don’t” are bored, boring, lazy and
brain-dead. The moms who stay at home think the
moms who work are selfish, money-hungry,
neglectful and completely messed up when it
comes to priorities. (Even the terms are skewed
– I mean, what mom doesn’t work and no one
actually stays at home, whether they work for a
living or not.) And to add insult to injury,
both sides think theirs’ is the harder-working.
The result?
Moms across the board are frustrated and a
bit angry, but the irony is that while we may
take it out on each other, we’re not really each
other’s problems.
When I was growing up in 1970s’ and 80s’
suburbia, I was told that if I went to a good
college, I’d be armed with all the tools I
needed to live my life, at home and at work, in
the way I wanted to. I won’t say that’s
inaccurate, because that is basically what I
have done, but it may have been nice to know the
whole scenario.
We’re all told of the many choices available to
us, but the truth is that our employers,
neighbors and even our fellow moms aren’t yet
equipped to accommodate the reality that comes
with these choices. And this is the reality
that, a few years ago, led me to almost give my
daughter an angry answer to her innocent
question.
Why so frustrated?
Ours is, still today in 2006, a
black-and-white society that still does not have
the tools to offer moms the flexibility,
economic support or social, communal and
professional resources to design our own
versions of work-life balance. We’re getting
better, but we have a long way to go.
Moms are frustrated with an inflexible and
not-so-creative system that leaves little room
for true choice. For working moms, the options
are limited: Part-time work? Benefits for
working less than 40 hours per week? Starting
work earlier to earn time to meet the school bus
in the afternoon?
And stay-at-home moms have it no better – they
forfeit countless dollars in salary, benefits
and retirement compensation by devoting the
whole of their prime working years not to the
corporate ladder but to their families.
Flexibility, creativity and cool arrangements
that make sense for our lives? Forget about it!
What’s next?
While some of my best friends are
stay-at-home moms, I’ve always been a working
mom, so my view of the Mommy World is somewhat
skewed and clearly subjective. Earlier this
year, a woman by the name of Terry Hekker wrote
an honest, unflinching op-ed piece in The New
York Times about how, 25 years ago, she was
mistaken when she wrote in her-then op-ed piece
that she was thrilled with her personal choice
to be a mom and wife and never would she desire
or need to work outside the realm of home and
family. She went on, for years following the
column, to become a model of what she calls
“homemaking and housewifery.”
Ms. Hekker, now a grandmother, regrets her
championing of this particular cause, not
because she favors working over not working (or
vice versa), but because her husband ended up
leaving her for a “younger model,” and with no
other choice but to make her own money (she
learned soon enough that there wasn’t much to be
made) and to draw on her own skills, highly
honed but barely regarded in the workplace.
My first reaction to the Hekker’s admission and
to the almost-painful details that went along
with it was something along the lines of smug
I-told-you-so-ness. Once that ugly side of me
piped down, the rational side, which is the same
side that eventually gave my daughter the right
kind of answer to her question about which
Mommies were wearing what, had something
insightful and important to say.
I’d tell you more about my
it-all-makes-sense-now moment, but I’m in a rush
to grab my place in the carpool line.
Allison Nazarian is President of Get It In
Writing, Inc., a recognized leader in
copywriting and related marketing consulting
services. A former journalist, she lives in Boca
Raton with her husband and two children.
Return to Articles
|
IN
THE
